Every stage of parenting has its own vocabulary. Toddlers ask, “Why?” Elementary school kids ask, “Can you help me?” Teenagers specialize in “That’s not fair,” “Can I borrow the car?” and “I’ll be home by eleven.” College students add, “Can you Venmo me?” Then, somewhere along the way, the language changes again.
“I got this.”
Those may be the three words every parent wants to hear. They mean your children have become capable, confident, and independent. They also mean your job is beginning to disappear.
After twenty years of being needed for almost everything, your job begins disappearing one responsibility at a time. There is no graduation ceremony for parents. Nobody hands you a plaque and thanks you for your years of service. You are slowly informed that your role has changed.
Jack of All Trades
There was a time when I was the department of everything. If something was broken, lost, confusing, heavy, expensive, or making a strange noise, I was the first call. I served as the transportation department, IT help desk, home repair contractor, financial aid office, and twenty-four-hour emergency response team.
Then there were the questions. “What time does Target close?” “Can dogs eat strawberries?” “How long do you boil eggs?” “What happens if I accidentally wash a phone?” Long before ChatGPT or even Ask Jeeves, there was Ask Dad. It was not always faster, but the answer usually came with a free twenty-minute lecture.
The funny thing is that none of this ends overnight. Independence sneaks into your life through hundreds of small moments. One day, they stop asking for rides because they have their own car. Before long, they are scheduling appointments, filing taxes, buying insurance, and fixing their own internet connection without ever thinking to call you.
The language changes too. “I already called.” “It’s taken care of.” “Don’t worry about it.”
The first few times, you are proud. By the tenth or twentieth, another thought sneaks in: Wait a minute. What exactly is my job now?
They Don’t Always Have It
Of course, there is one small problem with “I got this.”
Sometimes they don’t.
Not long ago, one of my daughters told me about an international trip she had planned with a group of friends. Flights booked. Hotels reserved. Everything organized. Then she mentioned that her flight was scheduled to land only a short time before the group planned to leave the airport together.
I looked at the itinerary and thought, That’s awfully optimistic.
International travel has a way of reminding us who is really in charge. Flights are delayed. Customs lines stretch forever. Bags occasionally decide they would rather vacation somewhere else. Years ago, I would have delivered a lecture on the importance of building in a buffer. This time, I simply asked, “Are you comfortable with that timing?”
She smiled. “I got this.”
Maybe she did. Sometimes the difference between confidence and experience is simply knowing you’ll need more time than you think.
Wait... That’s Already Decided?
One day, you realize the conversations have changed. There was a time when every decision involved family discussions, unsolicited advice from Dad, and probably a spreadsheet. Then, almost without noticing, those conversations disappeared.
Now the phone rings after the decision has already been made. Apparently, I had been promoted from consultant to mailing list.
Somewhere between teaching them to look both ways before crossing the street and reminding them to finish their homework, they had become adults. That’s exactly what we hoped for. It just takes a little getting used to.
The Job Was Always Temporary
Growing up is not a straight line. Independence arrives in waves. Our children make good decisions, and a few they would rather not repeat. They miss flights, lock their keys in the car, underestimate how long something will take, and discover that “adulting” is harder than it looked from the back seat.
Our role changes too. We stop being contractors and become consultants. We listen more than we lecture. We ask questions before offering answers. Sometimes they want advice. Sometimes they need someone who has been there before.
One of the best signs that our children have truly become adults is that they know when they do not have it. I keep waiting for that phone call. So far, confidence is still winning.
The goal was never to raise children who always needed us. It was to raise adults who could handle life—and who knew they could still call home.
And if you are fortunate, they will.
P.S. My weekly Before I Croak column focuses on making the less visible parts of life a little clearer—estate planning, organization, and the things that tend to show up when you least expect them. If you’ve had a moment like this, I’d genuinely like to hear it.