Finding a Job Is Basically Dating
Recruiters, dating apps, and “Brad from finance” all seem to follow the same playbook.
Watching my daughter graduate from college and enter adulthood has been fascinating. Mostly because modern dating and modern job hunting seem like the same psychological experiment. One involves LinkedIn. The other involves Hinge or Tinder.
Over the last four months, I’ve watched her apply for jobs, go on dates, prepare for interviews, analyze text messages, update her LinkedIn profile, debate follow-up timing, and try not to appear “too eager.” At this point, I honestly can’t tell whether she’s preparing for a second-round interview or drinks with a guy named Brad who “works in finance but is figuring some things out.”
The similarities are uncanny.
Building the Perfect Profile
Both dating and job hunting begin with creating a profile designed to make you appear interesting, accomplished, adventurous, emotionally stable, ambitious, relaxed, and somehow effortlessly cool. In dating, this means photos near oceans, dogs, rooftops, or standing beside a car you definitely don’t own. In job hunting, it means describing yourself as “passionate about collaboration and fast-paced environments,” which apparently means answering emails while eating lunch.
Every LinkedIn post now reads like someone survived a small war to obtain an entry-level marketing role. “I’m humbled and honored to announce…” Calm down, Madison. You got a job at Chipotle, not drafted into the Avengers.
At some point, adulthood stopped being about becoming a person and started becoming about presenting one. That’s what struck me most watching my daughter navigate all this. Every interaction now feels optimized. Every message feels strategic. Every silence feels personal. Young adults today are expected to market themselves constantly while somehow appearing authentic and relaxed about it.
One night, I overheard my daughter talking to a friend after an interview. “I don’t want to follow up too quickly,” she said. “I don’t want to seem desperate.” For a solid thirty seconds, I genuinely could not tell whether she was talking about a hiring manager or a young man with a podcast in his parents’ basement.
The Chemistry Round
Modern interviews and modern dating also share another important characteristic: both sides pretend they’re evaluating each other equally. A company says, “We’re looking for the right fit.” A date says, “I’m really intentional about who I spend time with.” Meanwhile, both are Googling each other at midnight like FBI interns.
Companies now hire based on “culture fit,” which appears to mean: “Would we enjoy being trapped in an airport during a snowstorm with this person?” Dating is essentially the same thing with better lighting.
Apparently, both employers and romantic partners now expect candidates to be confident but humble, ambitious but balanced, polished but authentic, independent but collaborative, emotionally intelligent but low maintenance, and driven without appearing stressful to be around. Honestly, it sounds exhausting.
Companies also use phrases like: “We’re looking for a rockstar.” Which is confusing because every actual rockstar I’ve ever seen appears wildly unemployable. Then there’s: “We want a self-starter.” That’s corporate language for: “You will receive no training.”
As someone from an older generation, I’m amazed by how much personal branding is now required simply to participate in normal adult life. We got jobs by walking into buildings and making eye contact. Networking meant knowing a guy named Frank. Dating required actual phone calls and at least a moderate tolerance for rejection in real time. Today, everything feels like one long audition.
Ghosting Has Become a Lifestyle
And then there’s the ghosting.
A recruiter says, “We loved meeting you. We’ll definitely be in touch,” and then disappears forever. A date says, “I had such a great time!” and then also disappears forever. No explanation. No closure. Just emotional vaporization.
My daughter recently waited two weeks to hear back after what she thought was a fantastic interview. I tried to encourage her. “Maybe they’re just busy,” I said. She looked at me the way young people look at older people when we accidentally reveal we still think fax machines are relevant.
“No,” she said calmly. “I’m being ghosted.”
Honestly, I miss the old days when rejection at least required human effort. Back then, if someone rejected you, they had to physically call your house and ruin your evening themselves. Now an algorithm quietly removes you from consideration while you’re making coffee.
And somehow young adults are expected to absorb this constantly while remaining upbeat, confident, and “positive.” The amount of emotional resilience required today is unbelievable.
The Part That Actually Impresses Me
For all the absurdity of modern adulthood, watching my daughter navigate it has genuinely impressed me. Despite the constant evaluation, endless comparison, and emotional whiplash, young people somehow keep going. They keep applying. Keep showing up. Keep risking rejection. Keep trying.
That takes courage.
Even if it also requires maintaining three versions of your resume, six passwords, two dating apps, and a carefully calibrated response-delay strategy designed to appear interested but emotionally stable.
So after observing all this from the sidelines, I’ve reached a conclusion: finding a job is dating. Recruiters are matchmakers. LinkedIn is Tinder for people with headshots.
And somewhere right now, a hiring manager is sending, “We just didn’t feel the chemistry.” Which, frankly, sounds exactly like something Brad would say, too.
P.S. My weekly Before I Croak column focuses on making the less visible parts of life a little clearer—estate planning, organization, and the things that tend to show up when you least expect them. If you’ve had a moment like this, I’d genuinely like to hear it.